French Canadians are miserable people who don't deserve respect
by John Looby
French Canadians are assholes. I’m not saying this as an opinion; this is a matter of factual record. The province of Quebec consists of mostly uppity scumbags, who are always somehow surprised you don’t speak fluent French. I live in Rochester and somehow French Canadians visiting here have the sheer audacity to speak French to me with a condescending tone while I’m at work. I’m used to old people giving me shit but not old people giving me shit in French. Now, the reason I’m describing the sheer level of French Canadian douchebaggery is not just because I believe that society as a whole has a moral obligation to acknowledge how shitty they are, but because of a recent bylaw that was voted on in the city of Montreal; the subject matter of said bylaw being essentially the right of pitbulls as a dog breed to exist within the city.
The law that was recently voted in would place a lot of arguably subjective and even outright cruel regulations on any of the pitbull-resembling dog breeds within the city. I say pitbull-resembling because pitbull isn’t actually a dog breed in the way that hound isn’t an actual breed of dog. What this means is that the law spreads its harsh restriction on to whatever breeds seem to have “characteristics” of a pitbull. Which is the sort of complete lack of specificity everyone wants in a law that sentences animals to die. That’s right, thousands of animals will be killed once this law goes into action. Goddamn French Canadian pricks. The law outright bans the adoption or breeding of pitbulls, requires they be on a muzzle and short leash in public, requires owners to register them, and will seize the dogs of owners who fail to follow these regulations. In case you didn’t come to the natural conclusion of this, it is that any and all dogs resembling a pitbull which end up within a Montreal animal shelter will be put to death simply for existing.
Now this law did not come into action simply because some asshole in the Montreal government just didn’t like the look of pitbulls, which in all honesty is a bit surprising knowing how people who live there normally respond to just about anything and anyone. The incident that led to this ban was the mauling and killing of a 55-year-old woman by a neighbor’s escaped dog. I say dog because it has never in fact been confirmed if this killer dog was even a pitbull. Instead the city of Montreal rushed to fear monger and blame a breed of dog that has done nothing to deserve the negative social stigma attached to it. The notion of rushing to kill what amounts to be thousands of dogs within the city limits is an ultimately disturbing one. Not to say that a woman’s death isn’t tragic but rushing to exterminate thousands of dogs is a narrow-minded act of cruel persecution.
Luckily, after numerous act of protest, a judge in Quebec’s higher court has placed a suspension on the law, preventing it from going into action until the wording of the law has been placed under further scrutiny. While this is certainly a plus, it really only gives these dogs a few months until the law comes after them yet again. After all, this law is not entirely without precedent within Canada; the neighboring province of Ontario managed to pass into action a similar bill recently. Calgary as well has a bill targeting pitbulls, albeit one much more reasonable in both wording and execution. While these laws may have been designed with the safety of citizens involved, they in fact target more innocent life than they could hope to protect.
The very notion that it is a specific dog breed with a predisposition toward violence is an idiotic one and one which actual scientists have proven false in study after study. For lawmakers to act as though they are qualified to speak toward the behavioral psychology of dog breeds is a painstakingly naïve act. Dogs, just like people, are the product of the environment they grow up in and not some genetic predestination. I speak from experience. Since I was born, we’ve always had hunting dogs, usually two at a time. To suggest that these dogs are naturally driven to hunt and kill things just makes you a fucking idiot. They might have fantastic noses, but at this point, after we’ve raised them, all they want to do is lay on the couch. We once had a bloodhound that would lie on the ground so that smaller animals could crawl on him. Such a killer. Perhaps most importantly, my brother recently adopted and rescued a pitbull named Mojo from a shelter. She’s an adorable and friendly dog who’s more likely to fall asleep in your lap than even bark. If Rochester had a ban like the one currently up for debate in Montreal, this dog would have been dead before she could have even found a home.
The problem with these dog bans is that they operate under a presumption of guilt that simply has no basis in reality. Why put innocent dogs, animals whose whole psychology is built around building loving and empathetic bonds, to death because one dog was raised poorly by someone who was, in all honesty, probably an asshole? Dogs deserve homes and in all honesty, I’d prefer it were my home (#200dogranch2k16). They shouldn’t be put to death so that those in charge can feel as though they’re being proactive or protecting us. The people who need to be proactive and protective are the rest of us to insure that legislation like this doesn’t come to pass here in the United States or anywhere else for that matter. Outlawing a dog probably sounds like some ridiculous bullshit from a dystopian teen fiction novel and that’s because it is and it’s the type of bullshit we can actively work to prevent.