At this point, I think they're just lashing out for attention
by John Looby
What the fuck? I'm sorry, but what the actual fuck? Seriously ISIS? 7000 gazelles? Who in the hell needs 7000 gazelles?
If you haven't heard this story because you don't furiously study the headline on Reddit's "Not The Onion" thread, I'll explain it to you so you can join in my confusion and frustration. The ISIS members stationed near Rutbhah have apparently been eating the gazelles living on the nearby wildlife preservation. The ISIS members, of course, do not actually hunt the gazelles, as that takes legitimate effort and skill. ISIS instead has been drugging the gazelles, thousands of them. It might seem ridiculous to drug 7000 gazelles, but if you're being forced to retreat from a city you really can't afford to leave all that delicious gazelle meat behind so, then you have to drug and abduct an abundance of that delicacy. ISIS does a lot of horrible things but honestly this just seems super fucking weird, plus I can't imagine that gazelle meat tastes even remotely worth drugging that many animals.
In order to catch these gazelles, ISIS was drugging water holes like a creepy member of a water polio team or you know, just a member of a water polo team. They then proceeded to load hundreds of animals into trucks and drive them off into Syria. It's such an insane plot that you're taken aback in remembering that this is the same organization that so violently executes civilians as though it were a game that they were trying to win.
ISIS has been doing a lot of terrifying shit; just recently they froze 45 members of their own organization in Mosul for apparently being cowards. They took 45 people and locked them in a morgue freezer for 24 hours until they died. Of all the ways you could kill someone, why freeze them? Last year they burned 45 Iraqis alive. They've got a weird thing for extreme temperatures, I guess. It's hard to imagine just how they decide to commit these horrific actions against the world.
The fact that when being forced to retreat from a city the ISIS forced decided that plan A should be kidnapping the fuck out of some gazelles really shows the irrationality of the group. What sort of normal person steals that many animals from a fucking reserve? Also, is it stealing or animal-napping? Is it good that they did this instead of something horrifically brutal to humans?
Which is not to suggest that ISIS has cut down on their abundance of horrible fucked up actions. They sell children. ISIS has been abducting and selling Iraqi children at markets as sex slaves. Those that they haven't been selling, they've been crucifying and burying alive, according to United Nations watch dogs in the region. Also, they use the kids as human shields, banking on the fact that Americans won't launch air strikes on placed surrounded by children. It's an incredibly fucked up tactic. And, at some point while selling children, they also decided they need 7000 stolen gazelles.
The world is a terrible, dark, and bizarre place. I can't honestly really wrap my mind around the fact that I'm having to report the fact that one organization is not only stealing thousands of animals off a reserve so that they can apparently eat them, but also making money by selling children into sex slavery, which appears to not even be making them enough money to buy food. ISIS probably won't stop making headlines for years to come, but one can always hope that the next headline will be about the group's defeat and not them abducting 3000 elephants.